How many 5 year olds could you take on at once?

Ok, so let's say this situation presented its self. You somehow get in a situation where you must defend yourself against a heap of 5 year olds. Here are the specifics.

- youre in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. there are no foreign objects.
- youre not allowed to touch a wall.
- when youre knocked unconscious, you lose. when they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy americans.
- the kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. you will receive no training.
- there is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
- the kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

Again, this is purely hypothetical, so how many could you take down before they took you down? I could imagine myself all ninja-like. My answer will come later.

"Holiday on the rocks" Momentum Christmas Party

Last night was my company's Christmas Party. Can I just say....it was a night of surprises. So first of all Momentum rented out this bar in downtown STL. I know you are thinking "gross a bar", but can I just say...this place was HOT. It had the high ceillings...exposed brick walls... a loft area...AND a wine cellar (which was so hot). It was a very stylish place. Anyway, so Shane and I get there and we grab some food and walk upstairs to find a place to grab a table. We are hanging out when they start to announce the first round of winners of the prizes for the evening. Let me just tell you...when momentum does something...they do it big. Two years ago they gave away ipods and like $50 dollars to Crate and Barrel (plus more gift cards). So of course knowing this I'm thinking...they are gonna give away good stuff. So anyway, they call the first name for a gift card to Blueberry Hill (restaurant). Shane looks at me and is like, "See...we don't want the small prizes like that." They call somebodys name and they go and claim their prize. They then announce that the next prize is an iTouch. Me and Shane were like...that would be so hot to win that. We kinda laugh and say wouldn't it be funny if they called my name. So they call they name for the iTouch..."And the winner is....Brenna Glasgow" Wait....WHAT???? Ya'll...I didn't believe it. So me and Shane are like in shock pretty much the rest of the night. So I guess about half way through the party one of our higher ups Bill gets up there and talks about one of the momentum employees that died in a car accident about 18 months ago. He talked about how she was just such a great employee and how you could always count on her for anything and how she was a great representative for momentum and should what momentum was all about. Some of the employees wanted to do something to remember her by. They decided to make an award that would be given out annually. 21 people were nominated for the award. The winner would have their name added to the award and would receive $1000. Out of 300 people...I was nominated. I was one of the 21 people. Now...I know you are wondering if I won...and no I did not. But can I tell you...I was so surprised...and honored that my name was even put in. I for real almost cried ya'll. I mean...that is some touching stuff you know. So....as you can read...it was a really great night. I really do work for a great company...not just because I got an iTouch...i mean...that is just a bonus ya know. Okay...I gotta do work. Love ya'll!!! Glasgow-out!

Revealing your True Hue

Through the Bible, there are many uses of analogies to help us understand a principle. I love using analogies. I oftentime use and analogy to explain something to Brenna and oftentime (it's a good word, get over it) I exaggerate the analogy, so it's meaning gets lost. Hopefully, you'll be able to follow this analogy.

One thing i try to do is see God through His creation. Here at Emerson (where i work), we have a long entranceway that leads to our security gaurd shack and then onto campus. This road is lined with these small trees that, as of a couple weeks ago, have beautiful red-orange leaves on them. I've noticed that on sunny days, the sun shines through the leaves and multiplies their color. They give off a brilliant reddish orange hue on those days. On cloudy or rainy days, those same leaves look brown or even dead. So, on those days, they're just not as noticeable or nice to look at. So, here's kind of what God was telling me. When we let his Son shine through us, we are a much more vibrant person. People will want to know what's different about you and why you have that glow about you. When there's no sun or Son, we look pale and dark. Thoughts? Additions?

A two-way relationship and communication

(stick with me through my preface here) Television is a one-way communication, as is radio for the most part. The internet is a two-way tool where you can search for information as well as add your own so you can communicate with others (wikipedia, blogs, youtube). A telephone is two-way communication device. You can talk directly to another person (unless you're trying to call Charter Communications), but still, you are unable to see them, so some information is lost through body language. A face-to-face conversation is probably the most effective way to communicate, especially if you already know the person you're talking to. When you first meet someone, you still don't know their quirks and tendencies when they communicate. Do they talk with their hands or exaggerate their stories? Are they serious when they write you birthday rap songs? (loved it, Adam) So, when you get to know them, you understand them better.
The more time we spend with a friend, the more we know about their family, about their past experiences, their funny stories, their dreams and visions for their futures. In much the same way, when we get to know God and his holiness, we're able to have more effective communication with Him too. It's not only a one-way deal, since you begin to learn how to listen for and to him. To know him, "you hide his Word in your heart", right? That way, when he speaks to you in a certain situation, through scripture you're able to apply it. I pray you guys continue to grow in the Lord and use your talents to build God's kingdom. Love yall.

Can a church be too big?

So here's a topic of debate. But, here's a preface to the question. Currently, our church here in St. Louis has been growing at an average rate of 5% per year over the last 10 years, which is great. (I do know it's not about the numbers of your church, but hear me out.) This past Sunday, our pastor cast a vision to the chrurch about how our church should be a "Simple Church" by Connecting (through Worship), Growing (through the study of God's word in small groups), and Serving (kinda self-expalantory). And it would be sort of a cycle: Connecting, Growing, Serving, Connecting, Growing.... So, the staff believes this is how we will grow as a church, in relationships and numbers. We don't have to have all kinds of commitees, activities, and events to connect to people to grow a church. Obviously, St. Louis is a large city and we want to look to bring in the lost people to the church, and not just look to grow the church by stealing members from other churches.

I've always looked at a Pastor and his Church as a shepherd and his sheep. John 10:3 says "3To him the porter openeth; and the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out." I know this verse is commonly translated to mean the shepherd is the Lord and he knows us all individually by name. But, could this also mean that a Pastor should know each one of his sheep by name? So, is a church too big if he doesn't know the people of his congregation?

Here is an interesting reply from Andy Stanley to a blog-conversation that took place a couple of years ago. Adam W. Cleaveland, the author of the blog, stated that he couldn't possibly attend a megachurch like North Point since there wasn't any real community experience. Eventually, Andy himself replied.

"I’m writing to aplogize for the size of North Point Community Church. When six of us gathered to think through the idea of beginning a church we had no idea that it would become so large. For this growth I am truely sorry. I realize that the size is intimidating.

I have read the comments on this site and have decided to make some changes. To begin with I am going to spend time with each and every parisioner so that they can get to know me personally. Like many of you, I wouldn’t want to attend a church where I could not connect personally with the pastor. I’ve shared this with my wife and three kids. They are in complete agreement. So beginning next Sunday I will be at the back door to shake hands.

Secondly, I am going to suggest to our elders that we sell our three campuses, consolidate, and move the church into a much smaller building. Smaller space will mean smaller crowds. And aparently large crowds are unbiblical. I agree, the church should be no larger than 40 to 50 people. Most of whom are believers.

Regarding my shallow, simplistic preaching…for this I am truley sorry. I am doing the best I can. I know deeper is better. I’m just not deep. I’m not really sure what to do about that.

These changes will take some time. Please be patient. If you have any helpful suggestions as to how I can transition North Point Community Church into a church made up of a handful of believers who enjoy deep preaching please let me know.

On a positive note, the 8,000 adults who meet in groups of 8 to 12 in homes throughout our community can continue to meet in spite of the fact that they will no longer be able to worship together.

Thank you for your valuable insights. And please accept my apology."

Andy Stanley
Pastor, North Point Community Church

So, with a good bit of sarcasm, i think we know what he believes. I guess the size of the church isn't as important if there's connection in a type of small group. I guess that small group is usually Sunday School classes.

I do enjoy reading everyone's blogs. I think it helps us all in the study of the Word.

So you think you can dance.....

No, i have no witty anecdotes for you about me and Brenna embarassing ourselves dancing or something. We are actually going to "So You Think You Can Dance" tonight. I think it's gonna be kinda like how American Idol finalists tour around and sing in a bunch of different cities. We'll let you know how it went.

I got back from San Francisco on Sunday, almost a week ago. I had SO much fun. I put a bunch of pictures on facebook, so if you haven't seen em, go look. It was the Industrial Design Society of America National Conference. I came away very inspired, and that's for another blog. I went away wanting to change the world.

On Tuesday night, Brenna and I went with our Associate Pastor, Russ (also our young married class teacher) to a haunted house. Yeah, it was his idea. We get there, and this thing is like $20 to get in. Russ ended up paying for me and Brenna, which was nice of him. He always tries to pay for us since his family is now debt free. I really wish everyone could have seen Brenna. It was hilarious. She was so scared the whole night. There were guys with chainsaws, (no blade, of course) and Brenna was terrified of those guys. It took like an hour to go through this thing. It was huge. There were some parts inside, some parts outside, which was nice. It was a good range of scariness. There was a part where you even did a hayride.....a haunted hayride. Anyway, it was a lot of fun and i wish yall could have seen Brenna.

Ok, i need to get off the toilet. Glasgow 1 out.

Hefty, and i'm not talking about the trash bags....

I'm talking about my weight gain. As Joel has mentioned, life for a young male just out of college is a cruel world when it comes to gaining weight. No longer can you just go and play volleyball for 3 hours whenever you're inclined to, nor are you able to just run down to the student ac(t?) and play some basketball or racquetball whenever you feel like it. You get in a routine and the routine does not usually include exercise.
I play a lot of golf, and i guess when i walk the course, carrying my bag, that's considered exercise to some. I have read where walking burns almost as many calories as jogging and it's easier on your knees. But really, I need to sweat some for it to be considered exercise. (i keep wanting to spell exercise, excercise. but, if i did, Virg would harass me, so i keep fixing it, oh yeah, there's spell check i can do) Umm, yeah, exercise is boring. Running, lifting weights = boring. I need something like flag football, softball (go ahead, laugh), basketball, or even some tennis for me to feel like exercising. Brenna likes to walk around the neighborhood, but you can't keep score when you're walking. But, good for her.
I currently weigh somewhere in the range of 179-184. At Auburn, i tipped the scales at 165, max. This past Saturday, i tried on some jeans that fit fine 1 month ago. Astonishingly, i'm unable to even get the button to the button opening on the jeans. These are jeans i've had since I was a junior in high school. They were so comfortable. So, no more are the days of 32 waist jeans, I'm strictly a 34 now.
I think this winter, i'm going to develop a work-out routine. We have a fitness center here at work, that i could easily workout at for a one-time fee of $15. It gets so cold here in the winter that all outdoor sports are out of the question, except for skiing. (we do have a small ski resort here in Stl.)
Ok, that's it. Kinzie has probably already stopped reading, and Joel has skipped the 3rd and 4th paragraph, but reading this one for some closure. Oh yeah, one more thing, Brenna wore my jeans to work today. Wierd, huh?

Gotta get one of these.....

http://www.the-backup.com/buy/commercial.php

Such-n-such color is the NEW black!

"Such-n-such color is the NEW black!" You hear it all the time in fashion. But why is it that black, even though replaced EVERY YEAR, seems to come back and act like it has been the crowd favorite the whole time? For example...last year brown was said to be the new black. This year they say grey is the new black. Now whats up with that? Shouldn't it be grey is the new brown? If last year brown replaced black....shouldn't black be out of the picture and brown be the new color all the other colors try to beat? It only seems logical for this to be the case...yet every year its the same thing over and over again.

Well lets face it...I want answers. Of course I reference one of the best websites...my friend and yours Wikipedia. Here is what Mr. Wiki has to say....

"_____ is the new black" is a catch phrase and snowclone used to indicate the sudden popularity or versatility of an idea at the expense of the popularity of a second idea. It is also the origin of a snowclone of the form "X is the new Y"

HISTORY
The origin of the phrase goes back to Diana Vreeland in 1962 who used the phrase "Pink...(is)...the navy blue of India" meaning that the color pink seemed to be the foundation of the attire there, much like navy blue was the base color of most ensembles in New York City. The phrase is commonly misattributed to Gloria Vanderbilt and a fictional trip to India in the 1960s where she supposedly noted the prevalence of pink in the native garb. In actuality, it was Ms. Vreeland who made the observation when shown a sample of pink fabric from India.[1]
In the late 1970s, the phrase "X is the new neutral" was widely used (culminating in the humorous observation that "It looks like red is the new neutral"). By the early 1980s this had changed to "X is the new black".[1]
Later in the 1980s, the phrase was reappropriated to indicate that other colors (frequently brown, navy blue or grey) were temporarily displacing the position of black in fashion or industrial design; that is a versatile staple that complemented all other aspects, and was generally unobjectionable. The phrase quickly became lampooned for its simplistic nature; The Wall Street Journal soon declared that "White is the new black". It soon degenerated into a complete cliché and is now used in a great variety of contexts, mostly ironic in nature.
The phrase is often generalised to "X is the new Y", where the standard may be almost anything ("the new rock and roll" is a common variant). This makes it an excellent example of the linguistic phenomenon recently dubbed the snowclone, and is so widespread that the British satirical magazine Private Eye chronicles the over-use of the phrase in its column "Neophiliacs".
Because the phrase is so familiar, it is now frequently used in absurd contexts as a signifier instead of as a metaphor.

randomness....

Shane -
I enjoy the smell of a good supply cabinet. There's just something about the smell of pens, erasers, staples, file folders, and post-its that just smells....it just smells......productive.

An oatmeal creme pie is too creamy in the middle. The ratio of creme to oatmeal in the middle of the pie is wrong. The outside of the pie is much better since you can pick and choose the amount of creaminess with each bite. Maybe they should make Oatmeal Pie Donuts.

I'm leaving for San Francisco next week for the International ICSID/IDSA Conference. It will be my first time west of Colorado. I am excited to see a new part of God's creation, but not excited to see a cornucopia of gayness.

I'm thinking about selling my iBook to get an iPhone. I basically only use my computer for Safari. I'm also thinking once the second generation of the iPhone comes out, then the price of the first generation will reduce dramatically. I do kind of have trouble typing on the iPhone, though.

The second genration of the iPhone has to have an iSight nuilt in, right? It's the next logical step.

Glasgow 1 out.

What in the world am I even doing???

Brenna- Hey ya'll. So I haven't written in a while. Nothing much has happened. Oh...at work last week everyone brought in pictures of themselves at the age of one and we had to guess who was who. It was pretty fun. It was funny to see what everybody looked like. Lets see what else...oh so Shane and I had some company this weekend. We had his parents come and stay in our lil' one bedroom one bath duplex. They got here on Friday and left this morning. We had a pretty good time. We went to old st. charles and took a bunch of pictures. There on my FB if you wanna see them.

So have you ever just thought about what you are good at. I know that sounds stupid but just read me while I ramble. So I'm a graphic designer right. (if you are reading this and saying oh thats what she does...we have a lot of catching up to do) I feel like God gave me this talent for a reason. Lets face it...some of ya'll I've lived with...so ya'll know that cooking is not my strength...cleaning isn't even close....having that patients with children and being comfortable around them...well...I'm getting better. But design...I feel like i'm good at that you know. When shane's parents were in town this weekend there were times that we cooked (glenda and I). And she was like, "oh you can just make this..." and poof she would make something from scratch. I'm like..."doesn't that come in a box with directions." I felt kinda stupid....just...not knowing how to be like that. I don't have a drive to make food from scratch. I'm tired when I get home...I just wanna make something fast and simple. What was I getting at...oh...right....See I spend all of my energy designing...and when I get home...i'm tired but when I look at what i've done all day... I feel like I haven't designed anything. Well...anything good...anything that will make a difference. I would like to be useful. I would like for my designs to mean something to somebody. Thats probably why I love designing wedding invitations. I get a chance to design something for a couple getting ready to start their lives together. I get to hear brides say, "thats just what I imagined it would be!" THAT IS A GREAT FEELING! I also love designing for the church. I didn't get to do it as much as I wanted to in Auburn...but when I did I loved it. Its just cool to be able to take God's word and message and design it in a way to make it stand out from anything else it is around. (thats hard to do seeing how we are surrounded with so much visual overload) I'm hoping....well...really...I'm looking forward to God using me in St. Louis...at Lighthouse. Okay...enough of my ramblings...i'm going to bed. I'll try to be in a more uplifting mood in my next blog. G'night ya'll!

Commercial critiques......

Commercial critiques are so much fun. Here is one from a writer on ESPN, Matthew Berry.

"Here's the good news for anyone who writes, produces or is some way creatively involved in commercials. No matter how poorly you do your job, there is no chance you come up with a commercial creepier than the "Viva Viagra" commercial. Have you seen this thing? Seriously? You can check it out at Viagra.com, actually, or just take my word for it.

It's six middle-age guys, sitting in some sort of barn, all with musical instruments. They are "jamming," or, as it was called in their day, "make music at cave." They are also all singing. To the tune of "Viva Las Vegas," they are singing "Viva Viagra."

Here are the lyrics, as sung on broadcast television:

Got me a honey gonna set my soul Gonna set my soul on fire. At the end of the day I'm not a soul who'll stray 'Cause she's my heart's desire.

"Now this lonesome toad is sick of the road I can't wait. Can't wait. I can't wait to go home.

(All together now)

Viva Viagra!

Viva! Viva! Viagra!


Back to me now. There are so many things wrong with this commercial, I can't stand it.


We'll start with the obvious. They've ruined a great song. "Viva Las Vegas" is one of the great all-time Elvis songs. And the King took a lot of pills, but never this blue one.


Why are they in some barn? At the end of the commercial they all leave, get in their trucks and leave. So this means they drove there, and drove there separately. What was that call like? "Hey, we're getting the gang together at the barn to talk about our E.D. Bring your guitar."


Why are they all smiling? I'm not saying it's something to be embarrassed about, but you don't have to be happy about it. You're in the creepiest commercial ever. Stop smiling!


I'm not a woman. My dating record shows I have no idea what women think or want. But even I have to feel that if a woman heard these lyrics, she'd be turned off for the next decade.


The guy who sings the "lonesome toad who can't wait" line is, in a curious bit of casting, very toad-like.


One of the guys has a standup bass guitar. Really? You dragged that huge thing to the woods?


If it's not some bizarre support group where they sing about their problems then what is it? Are they a band? Practicing for a gig? Do they play senior citizen homes, singing about various male ailments. "Now we'd like to do a number about male pattern baldness. (Sung to the tune of Eminem's "Lose Yourself.") "If you had one chance, to grab a wig … lose your hair …)


At the start of the commercial, the lead guys says "One … two … three …" as if they have played this song before. So it's not something that happened spontaneously. No! They've rehearsed this. Practiced it. This is their song.


How come only the white guys get to sing?


Why does one guy, at the very end, point his hand in the air, like he's just accomplished something amazing? Everyone else is saying goodbye, slapping each other high five, congratulating each other on getting through the commercial without vomiting on themselves, but one guy is just pointing proudly in the air. The way you would if you had just sank a 25-foot putt to win the Masters or hit the game-winning 3-pointer. Or, apparently, just done a bad Weird Al impression about E.D. Incidentally, that's a good question. Where is Weird Al here? Parody lyrics to a good song? Weird Al should be all over this. Did even he find this distasteful? That should have been a red flag right there. When Weird Al says "no thanks, it's too crass," you stop and rethink. You dig?

Boggles the mind. It's like a trainwreck. I can't stop watching this commercial. Who thought this was a good idea? What was the casting sheet like? At what point do you say I don't need the gig that bad?"

Hilarious! Glasgow 1 Out.

Ways to Beat "the System"

Shane - OK, so over the years, i have gotten this persona of someone that gets cleverly (yep, that's a word Virginia, it's an adverb, look it up) things for free. So here are just a few of the tricks of the trade.....

1. If you buy something (at a small family owned business) that is less than a dollar, always pay for it with a debit card. The business has to pay so much per debit card transaction, so sometimes they will just give it to you. Also, sometimes if they are really busy, they won't feel like swiping the card, so they'll say, just take it.

2. When free stuff is being thrown at you, say, at ball games or concerts, always be aware of who you are standing next to. Tall guys = bad. Kids, women, and older people = good. Now, kids are tricky. You can't be next to kids when something really valuable is on the line, such as a foul ball or something that is meant for a kid to have. The safest situation to put yourself in would be to find other people around you age that look physically inferior to you. This way, there's no question when you snag a Third Day shirt out of the air from them. It's all yours. If a free object being thrown at you somehow gets past your grasp and falls to the ground, then it's a free-for-all. Women, kids, the elderly, it doesn't matter. If you get to it, it's yours. You fought for it, and probably looked to stupid on the jumbotron in the process.

3. The "We Don't Have a Truck, But Need Something Heavy Moved" Quandary
Ok, we've probably all been in this situation before, right? How are we gonna fit that chair in our sedan or small coupe? Well, the answer is quite simple. Go for a test-drive. "You need to check the acceleration on the interstate." That's a key comment you need to tell them. Since there aren't usually any interstates close by- you may have to drive a bit to get to one. (this will give you time to move the furniture or whatever it is)I've found an SUV to be the best option for moving furniture. You absolutely must return the vehicle in the same condition as you left the lot. With trucks, there is a big potential of scratching the bed, unless it has a Rhino lining, which could probably still show marks. So, make sure whatever it is you're moving is relatively close to your house, since you'll probably only have 30 minutes or so to move it. You may possibly be able to get them to let you test-drive the vehicle overnight which would be the BPS (best possible scenario).

Brenna and I actually proved this to be true recently. We bought a dresser and used this method to bring it from the seller's apt. to our house. Worked like a charm. I didn't feel so bad about doing it because I gave honest feedback when i returned the vehicle. Our victim was the Hyundai Santa Fe. I honestly told him it was a piece of junk and the fuel economy was crappy for such a small SUV. I'm confident this tricky method will be in a movie before long.

I think this could also be used when you need to run some errands around town, but you don't have any gas.

So, now you have some easy methods to save a little money. Glasgow 1 out.

So I guess this makes me a blogger???

So here it is...my first blog. Hopefully I'll be a better "blogger" as time goes on.

So at work we have had this polish girl working with us (she is from our momentum office in poland) and we had a company wide going away breakfast for her this morning. It was pretty nice...free food is always a bonus! They bought a ton of these things called....i think they are called kolachkies....anyway they are pretty much a roll filled with breakfast foods. Some have bacon, egg and cheese, some have just egg and cheese... sometimes they will have crazy ones that have like mashpotatoes and gravy...I haven't done that yet (and probably won't). They aren't too bad...it needs salt. Anyway, we had a bunch of those cause they are polish (I think) and they wanted to have some kind of polish breakfast. So not only did I get a free breakfast today, but I also got to go to this lecture (much more interesting than you think) and I got free lunch from that. The lecture was from this guy named Dan Pink who spoke on the importance of design and creativity and how it can never be replaced by machines or some computer program. He was a great speaker. The lecture + the food was like $75 a person...hey...it didn't come out of my pocket...and if it would have....I wouldn't have gone. What can I say...shane and I dont' go to stuff unless its free....or just PLAN-O-CHEAP! But yeah... it made me see the importance of what I do. I mean I know what I do is important...but I guess I see it even more. Well...I'm pretty sure it is that time for me to head to bed...besides...Shane is asleep on the couch. He fell asleep while I've been blogging (kinda a stupid word). Well, good night ya'll. Glasgow...OUT!

Inaugural Post, not First annual.....

Isn't that annoying when people say first annual? They should get a first annual karate chop to the side of their neck for saying such nonsense.

So, random thoughts from a Glasgow are what you're after, huh? I don't usually like participating in things that have a dumb name......like blog. But, here i am, typing away, ready for Virginia to pipe in with a grammatical correction. There's a lot of things Brenna and I have expeienced here in the Lou, not loo, (well,maybe that too) that have probably not been communicated with the few people that will read this. Say, for instance, Frozen Custard. You: what? frozen mustard, no scroll back.....Frozen Custard. Yeah, sounds disgusting, huh? Well, it's actually a delectable frozen treat here in the STL.

Not too much has happened today, just work so far. I'm waiting on Brenna to get home so we can go to free supper at church and then service is right after. Ok, she should be here any second, and i need to change clothes. I'm out.