Commercial critiques......

Commercial critiques are so much fun. Here is one from a writer on ESPN, Matthew Berry.

"Here's the good news for anyone who writes, produces or is some way creatively involved in commercials. No matter how poorly you do your job, there is no chance you come up with a commercial creepier than the "Viva Viagra" commercial. Have you seen this thing? Seriously? You can check it out at Viagra.com, actually, or just take my word for it.

It's six middle-age guys, sitting in some sort of barn, all with musical instruments. They are "jamming," or, as it was called in their day, "make music at cave." They are also all singing. To the tune of "Viva Las Vegas," they are singing "Viva Viagra."

Here are the lyrics, as sung on broadcast television:

Got me a honey gonna set my soul Gonna set my soul on fire. At the end of the day I'm not a soul who'll stray 'Cause she's my heart's desire.

"Now this lonesome toad is sick of the road I can't wait. Can't wait. I can't wait to go home.

(All together now)

Viva Viagra!

Viva! Viva! Viagra!


Back to me now. There are so many things wrong with this commercial, I can't stand it.


We'll start with the obvious. They've ruined a great song. "Viva Las Vegas" is one of the great all-time Elvis songs. And the King took a lot of pills, but never this blue one.


Why are they in some barn? At the end of the commercial they all leave, get in their trucks and leave. So this means they drove there, and drove there separately. What was that call like? "Hey, we're getting the gang together at the barn to talk about our E.D. Bring your guitar."


Why are they all smiling? I'm not saying it's something to be embarrassed about, but you don't have to be happy about it. You're in the creepiest commercial ever. Stop smiling!


I'm not a woman. My dating record shows I have no idea what women think or want. But even I have to feel that if a woman heard these lyrics, she'd be turned off for the next decade.


The guy who sings the "lonesome toad who can't wait" line is, in a curious bit of casting, very toad-like.


One of the guys has a standup bass guitar. Really? You dragged that huge thing to the woods?


If it's not some bizarre support group where they sing about their problems then what is it? Are they a band? Practicing for a gig? Do they play senior citizen homes, singing about various male ailments. "Now we'd like to do a number about male pattern baldness. (Sung to the tune of Eminem's "Lose Yourself.") "If you had one chance, to grab a wig … lose your hair …)


At the start of the commercial, the lead guys says "One … two … three …" as if they have played this song before. So it's not something that happened spontaneously. No! They've rehearsed this. Practiced it. This is their song.


How come only the white guys get to sing?


Why does one guy, at the very end, point his hand in the air, like he's just accomplished something amazing? Everyone else is saying goodbye, slapping each other high five, congratulating each other on getting through the commercial without vomiting on themselves, but one guy is just pointing proudly in the air. The way you would if you had just sank a 25-foot putt to win the Masters or hit the game-winning 3-pointer. Or, apparently, just done a bad Weird Al impression about E.D. Incidentally, that's a good question. Where is Weird Al here? Parody lyrics to a good song? Weird Al should be all over this. Did even he find this distasteful? That should have been a red flag right there. When Weird Al says "no thanks, it's too crass," you stop and rethink. You dig?

Boggles the mind. It's like a trainwreck. I can't stop watching this commercial. Who thought this was a good idea? What was the casting sheet like? At what point do you say I don't need the gig that bad?"

Hilarious! Glasgow 1 Out.